~The Look that Spooked~

 

 

...socially constructed ideas of beauty"  as in all social contexts and situations- cultural groups, social forums,  people form impressions of each other, we form impressions of others through the influence of media viz magazines, movies, television, billboards, all the while engineering cultures to become more internationally standardized - but it is how we manage those impressions that others make of us, of we of others,  is what matters - or does it?  Distorted?  How and by whom?  We are the demons of our own destructions and angels of our own constructions....so, it's ultimately up to us...Yes? No?  

 

This brings me to my never-ending "tussle" with myself, seeking perfection through my imperfections, wondering who am I really transforming into, reaching into the upper echelons of my mind to continually question if this transformation is for the better, how is it bettering me, why is it bettering me, am I the same me - which may seem like "hogwash" to many reading this but it's a daily struggle that I have blogged about in the recent past - the identity crisis and it's introspective "nonsense" through the process of transformation is, huge sigh inserted here,  a consuming and tiring one....

 

Today we went on a mirror window-shop, and I was drawn to a mirror that stood from ceiling to floor...I looked at it from a side view first instance, cautiously inspecting the frame to possibly waste time with getting to the front of it to see my image and when I did muster the courage in those few seconds, to install myself in front of it, I did a double, maybe triple take and reached for my husband to pull him into the framed image with me.  I was starring at someone who wasn't me!  It wasn't me, it wasn't me!!!  I physically jumped back behind him...and he probably thought that I was nuts and looked around to see who was watching this skit, as replaying that short interlude, that's exactly what it was....for a while it was like me looking from yonder at the image of someone so far removed from the former me, I was literally shocked.  Off course Son No.2 was highly amused but for some time the image starring back at me caused me to recoil at myself, wondering if this was indeed what my goal-focused life towards fitness and health has led me to?    It's wrapping my head around these changes that that's making my journey to my own Utopia so challenging but at the same time spurs me on to keep my eye on the bigger picture - diabetes and hypertension free through keeping the weight off, remember?  I wrote about this in an online forum and the reactions made me even more determined to stay this course, of course there are many and especially a few "close" to my vibe that share the same sentiments too...so I am not alone in this...not by a long shot! 

 

Choosing not to (in the past) have a full length mirror to look into as I hated the person starring back at me, may have been a good decision and a bad one too...but as I look forward, I can see the emergence slowly towards beating this phobia and actually installing a full length wide mirror that dwarfs me, becoming a part of my life - this is progress as is this picture that shows my transformation from a past enslavement by fat and food, to where I am currently...

 

 

 ....And then tonight I aptly came across this poem that made me realise that I should listen, listen and listen....as wise Ms Lucille advises....



 

 

What the mirror said

By: Lucille Clifton

listen,

you a wonder.

you a city

of a woman.

you got a geography

of your own.

listen,

somebody need a map

to understand you.

somebody need directions

to move around you.

listen,

woman,

you not a noplace

anonymous

girl;

mister with his hands on you

he got his hands on

some

damn

body! 

  

What the mirror said  by Lucille Clifton is such a beautiful poem about what women should see in the mirror rather than what they think they see. I picture a woman judging herself in the mirror while the mirror decides to speak up. First telling her how great she is, then almost mocking her thoughts of what she sees, and then brings the poem back around to see the beauty she really is. Most woman when they look in the mirror look at any flaws they see and how "fat" they are, but the truth is we are beautiful in our own way. Don't let society tell you how to look or feel. 

The word "listen" is repeated three times. It creates a tone of deeper analyses. I think Clifton wants women to look beyond the mirror. She wants women to look beyond the obvious. She wants women to not just settle for looking for compliments on outward appearances. You are "some damn body" and more people should respect that, even when some don't, so you should respect and love yourself, as well.

It's much, much more that how society stereotypes us, it's about creating our own type of beautiful, from within, that shines out through our eyes and escapes through our hearts, smiles and words...

Tomorrow brings a new month, inching closer to a new season, inching closer to my 10 months of finding me through the transformation of me, by choice, ....and I embrace it with the same enthusiasm and vigour of the past, spooking myself or not through my own reflection....what matters is what that reflection projects from the inside and that I choose to shout it out, on my outside too....

 

 

 

I know the choices that I am going to be making....you know yours?

 

 

Aluta Continua.....